Finally! Ranking Bill Self's regular season quarter zips

All season, I’ve been threatening the quarter zips ranking post. With rumors swirling around the program’s IARP punishment—and Self’s possible postseason ban—it is clear that now is the perfect time to drop my list.

As of right now, Bill Self is coaching in the Big 12 tournament later today, and a punishment has not been handed down; it’s possible some new quarter zips (or “zippies¹”) will be in the suitcase for the postseason, if he is indeed coaching. So today I’m ranking his greatest regular season zips.

The quarter zip design formula is not sophisticated—it’s basically a color and an interchangeable patch—so neither is the ranking algorithm. It’s pure feel, mostly, and I’m not listing ever single patch/color combination because that would get super boring super fast. I don’t think I need to set it up any further than that. Zip up, Streakers.

8. THIS ANORAK LOOKING THING

The shoulder patches look like they’re there by accident, and the way the pattern zigzags down the side is that signature Adidas sauce. No!

7. POWDER BLUE

Not sure why the powder blue is sending me—it kind of looks cool when the other sports in the Jayhawk universe have used it. Powder blue is the best color in the Royals’ palette, so there’s plenty of credible proof that shows the color can be utilized well. There’s something here to me that just doesn’t add up, though. I don’t want the powder in hoops. We have a blue problem, generally. I’m sorry.

6. GRAY

Gray is in but I’m not sure this shade of it is working for me. It’s in the middle of the desirable, haute gray range, I think. The gray should be darker or lighter. This is definitely a color you bust out for that early season game at the Sprint Center. No one will remember it!

I’m all for the move to more casual looks, because the suit situation was getting ridiculous and assistant coaches were having to hit Nordstrom Rack, but this shade is a little too sweatsuit for me. Maybe I’ll regret this assessment later, as this quarter-zips ranking has pitched me into more of an existential crisis than I was expecting.

5. NAVY

Of all the patches, this one is my least favorite. Too much Trajan. I’m not really grading based on the patches. But I wanted to remind everyone that Trajan must go.

We seem incapable of using our base blue color for good sideline gear. Isn’t that color—Pantone 293—the color we sued everyone over? Why can’t you buy an adidas tracksuit in that color? So I guess Navy gets the nod. It’s fine, I guess. Navy is a good color!

4. RED

Sorry for using this image twice. I like us in red, so I’m probably giving red a bump here that it does not deserve. This fit kind of pops with the blue pants/white Boosts, no? It’s possible I’ve looked at too many QZ’s at this point.

I haven’t been asked to consult on KU’s legal case with the NCAA and the IARP, but instead of potential scholarship losses, I would pitch that KU has to outfit themselves with two random colors for an entire season as a replacement punishment. The NCAA can pick the colors. Just an idea.

3. ALTERNATE WHITE

White has been the go-to quarter-zip color, and for good reason. (Here’s another variation that I’m not ranking). It’s the cleanest look at it. When ol’ Coach K suited up for his finale at Cameron Indoor, easily the funniest sporting event in recent memory, what color zip-up do you think he went with?

2. BLACK

I’m a little bit over Mean Jayhawk but overall I think the black zippie is solid. The three stripes on the sleeve is muted, too, which is a nice bonus. I’m really hoping that in the age of Coach Casual someone goes full streetwear, and this is the closest to that look we’re going to have in the zips game. I’ll take it!

1 WHITE WITH CUTE HAWK

Simply the best and cleanest zip-up in the closet, the white zip-up with the cute hawk has it all. It’s clean, classy, ready to fly off the shelves at every golf course pro shop in the KC metro area. The cute hawk is easily the most en vogue Hawk, both a link to the past and to the present, because it looks like the lil jaybuddy is wearing Foamposites. Here’s to you cute hawk!

1. QZ wearers… how do you wear them? Do you wear a polo underneath? Is there a world where you’re wearing a quarter-zip as a single layer? T-shirt? I don’t have any in the closet but I’m willing to try it.