Jayhawks on Cameo

Get all of your holiday done shopping in one fell *swipe*

Cameo is a platform where celebrities accept requests for custom video messages, for a fee. I try to avoid it, and not for the usual reasons (concerns about accelerated capitalism, mostly). It’s because Cameo is a wormhole from which you might not ever emerge. You’ll be reminded of names, people and places you had hoped you had forgotten. While I rarely migrate past the sports pages, it’s a pretty reliable service for pop culture personalities as well. While some might balk at paying, say, James Kennedy from Vanderpump Rules $150 to wish a friend “Happy Birthday,” to me that’s money well-spent. It depends on your own personal value system, and I think reading through this Jayhawks Cameo round-up will make you think a little more about that.

Anyway, it’s basketball’s offseason, aka there is ample free time for pro athletes of all stripes. Naturally, there’s a ton of Jayhawks on this thing, campaigning for your cash. I’m going to go block by block and provide some analysis that hopefully convinces you to purchase messages from everyone listed here. If I knew how affiliate links worked, maybe I’d make some money from that, but I don’t so this is all pro bono work.

Perry Ellis // $20

Perry going down in The Basketball Tournament was one of the most dire outcomes imaginable. That means he’ll miss his entire season overseas. Perry appears to be an efficient, quick, well-reviewed Cameo-er. (And he’s a user that allows you to see all the Cameos he’s made, so you can get a good sense of his approach.) I’m calling this a “heavy buy.”

Mario Chalmers // $100

Most likely to the surprise of no one, Chalmers is an inconsistent Cameo guy. $100 seems like a lot. I might wait for a recession and see what that does to the Cameo market.

Thomas Robinson // $75

I think this speaks for itself:

Malik Newman // $100

Cameo is all about internal calculus. At first blush, I would not blame you for thinking “$100 for Malik Newman?!” Newman is yet to log a minute in the NBA. A dizzying tourney run makes him an immortal Jayhawk, but throwing down five Harriet Tubmans might feel like a stretch.

Here’s my read on Newman: he’s plugging away in the G League, to the point where he is enough of a mainstay to be traded. He had a big summer league performance. Staying in the G League has its benefits, none of them financial ones. With that context, it’s an impactful $100.

Jessica Washington // $30

J-Wash didn’t get her proper due at Kansas, as a scoring machine in Brandon Schneider’s idea-less offense. (Injuries didn’t help either). She’s working on a pro career now. Her lone Cameo features a dog, which suggests that Washington knows what she’s doing.

Devonte’ Graham // $40

With veteran point guards largely out of the picture in Charlotte, D-Tae is going to have a chance to break into the rotation. You have to approach the Jayhawks section of Cameo with crimson-tinted glasses, and so with that in mind I’m saying D-Tae for $40 is a HEAVY BUY.